Latest accusations in opposition to the British royal household spark disturbing goals
This can be a column by Mark Murphy, a neighborhood physician and longtime Savannah Morning Information contributor.
After I wakened this morning, I walked over to my fort balcony to look at the solar rise over my kingdom. It was a stupendous sight. Certainly, my coronary heart throbbed with pleasure as I contemplated the huge expanse of forest, swamp and river that I now lead.
My household dominated the dominion of Rose Dhu for generations. It’s a small however vibrant principality, stuffed with many attention-grabbing and different topics which lend me loyalty by advantage of my divine birthright as king. I’m the image of all that’s Rose Dhu. I am positive all of my topics worship me merely for this symbolism and can be greater than prepared to pay me a big portion of their hard-earned cash to permit me to proceed to be symbolic in a correct method.
Life as a king might be tough. There are the numerous protocol violations that should be endured each day. For instance, my sons, Prince Joshua and Prince Christopher, aren’t obsequious sufficient. Custom has it that they bow from the waist for no less than 30 seconds, genuflect twice, then soar excessive within the air and squeal like a shorebird earlier than approaching me. I need to admit shamefully that they’re each in perpetual violation of this lengthy established custom.
Simply final week Prince Christopher and Woman Abbigail, The Duke and Duchess of Mayfair, requested an viewers with me, which I granted them out of the sheer kindness of my royal coronary heart.
“His Royal Highness the King of Rose Dhu invitations you to method the throne,” introduced my royal chief of protocol (a person who bears a putting resemblance to Hugh Grant, which is an effective factor, since it’s as we name it).
Prince Chris and Woman Abbigail walked slowly ahead, their heads bowed in order to not offend me. Neither of them did all of the shorebird factor, however I gave up.
“Take off the Braves cap within the presence of the king,” Hugh Grant instructed Chris. “And neither of you bows and scratches sufficient.”
“We’ll do higher subsequent time,” Prince Chris mentioned, his eyes nonetheless trying away, the Braves cap tightly in his hand.
“What brings you to hunt an viewers with me?” I requested.
“Princess Violet, Your Highness,” mentioned Woman Abbigail. “It should be clear.”
“You are not dishonest your Rs sufficient, Woman Abbigail,” hissed Hugh Grant. “And as a girl, you are imagined to bow earlier than you dare to talk to the king.
“My harm,” Woman Abbigail mentioned, blushing. She tried to curtsy, however her toes all acquired tangled within the prepare of her costume and she or he nearly fell.
“You nearly dare to rock within the presence of the king?” Excessive Grant growled.
It was, fairly merely, an entire protocol catastrophe.
In any case, I’ve granted the Duke and Duchess the Royal Proper to Well being Coaching (RROTT).
“Thanks, father,” Prince Chris mentioned.
“It is my pleasure,” I replied, beaming with pleasure. “Want me day Princess Violet!”
The 2 males stumbled again out of the throne room, muttering to themselves, as Hugh Grant loudly proclaimed, “God save the King!”
I am positive they each mentioned fervent prayers for my good well being and well-being.
Lately I’ve heard tales from some international locations the place folks have advocated abandoning feudal methods, opting as an alternative for a ridiculous notion that rewards people on the premise of arduous work and training. I chuckle on the absurdity of all of it. Abandon the hereditary monarchy in favor of a system that rewards benefit? What rubbish! Being royal has labored very nicely for me and my household for generations. Why would anybody need to change this?
“That is frequent sense,” I heard a daring rebel say the opposite day.
However I might say frequent sense is overrated. In any case, it is so frequent.
Later that afternoon, bored with my royal efforts, I retired to the royal bed room to take a nap. I woke as much as spy on Queen Daphne me with a sinister eye.
“What had been you dreaming of? You had been mumbling all types of loopy issues in your sleep, ”she mentioned.
“Properly, I used to be most likely dreaming of the glory of the dominion of Rose Dhu!” I cried.
“Properly, Your Highness, remember to take out the trash and recycling tomorrow,” she mentioned. “And we nonetheless have to get all of the tax data collectively earlier than you return to work on Monday.”
Do you see what highly effective challenges I usually face as a king?
I’ve learn the current tribulations dealing with the Windsors, my fellow royals throughout the pond. I actually perceive their plight. Between maintaining with all of the inherited wealth, the expense and complications of sustaining the fort, and all of the stress of regularly being within the public eye, it is a marvel we do not all go utterly loopy.
Contact Murphy at [email protected]